It's a BREAKUP not a BREAKDOWN - Lisa Steadman

Preface/Introduction
By the time all was said and done, I was a big fat screaming mess. I cried myself to sleep every night. Actually, I cried when I woke up in the morning, cried when I took a shower, cried on my way to work, cried in the bathroom at work, cried to my girlfriends on the phone, cried on the way home from work, cried on my couch at night, and then cried myself to sleep.
Today you may be feeling empowered and healthy about your breakup. Or you may be filled with doubt, despair, and confusion Don't worry, during your post-breakup recovery you'll most likely feel like you're on an emotional roller coaster. You'll go back and forth many times between the two extremes before you fully move on. Just ride it out, trust that you will get through this and become stronger for doing so. Your heart may feel like it's been shattered into a trillion tiny pieces, but it's still there. Still beating. It still loves you, and still believes in love. (Just need a little time to heal first.)

Breakup Rule #1.
You cannot sleep with your ex. I know how tempting it is to fall back into the arms of your ex. There's momentary comfort there.
Breaup Rule #2.
Avoid any contact with him at all, including calling, texting, emailing, checking his MySpace page, IM, driving by his house, showing up at his work, or leaving notes in his car. You cannot move on if you're still holding on.

EX ETTIQUETE
It's not possible to stay friends with an ex while still moving on. Because as hard as it is to accept, the relationship is over. It ended for a reason. Most who try to stay friends with their ex are just doing so in hopes of either rekindling or using the person as a crutch til someone better comes along.

Breakup Rule #3.
Do NOT save phone messages from your ex and replay them over and over again. That's self-destructive and will only hurt your ability to let go and move on.
There are plenty of available men who would love to call you. It's up to you to clear the way for them, and that means letting go of your ex, giving yourself time to heal, and then making space for someone new in your life.

And if you were hoping to keep tabs on your ex by tracking his every online move or possible new dating adventures via MySpace page? Don't. It'll just make you wonder who he's talking to (or obsess about those girls who keep posting messages to him), and you don't need that. Remove his page from your favourites and look for a new friend or two to take his place.


CHAP 2.
The Emotional Rollercoaster
There may be moments when you feel manic elation about your sudden freedom from a relationship that just wasn't working anymore. You may be prone to fits of laughter followed by a torrent of tears. Moments later, you might experience strong surges of panic, isolation, loneliness, and despair. Don't worry, you're not crazy, just post-breakup.

Why your ex isn't worth pining over
- He's not right for you.
- Someone else is out there, and you're free to look for him.
- You deserve to feel loved and wanted.
- He's probably not pining over you (harsh, but probably true)

Erase "If only" from your vocabulary.
It's only natural for us to look back on our relationship and wonder if there's anything we could have done differently.

Chap 3.
www.breakupchronicles.com
www.womensavers.com
www.breakupnews.com
www.dontdatehimgirl.com

Assess your Fabulous Factor
Write down 10 magnificent things about you. This is to remind you of your fabulous factor whenever you're in doubt.

And write down a list of things to do.

Chap 4.
If you still harbor feelings for your ex or you have moments when you miss him, you're perfectly normal.
Write down the things you're not gonna miss about. Eg. his mood swings? money problems? Take a good look and remember why it's good he's gone.

Reasons why you might not want to let go.
You still Love him
Plain and simple, you're still in love with your ex. The good news is you'll definitely find love again, with the right guy, your heart will be in good hands.

You're not sure it's really over
You tend to linger too long at the breakup scene. This only leads to more questions. The best thing to do is accept that not all your questions will be answered and move on anyway.

Worried no one else will come along
Pessimists tend to settle for less than they deserve because they haven't fully discovered their own magnificence. They gravitate toward relationships with people they think can help or make them happy. but the only person is actually yourself.

MOVING ON
- I will never give my heart to anyone who is undeserving of it.
- I will pay attention to relationship red flags as they are revealed to me and act accordingly.
- When I'm ready, I trust myself to exercise excellent judgment in selecting a suitable candidate to fall in love with (one who is capable of loving me on the same level!)
- I trust myself to date and be open to the possibilities.
- I am healthy and strong enough to endure dating disappointments along the way, and I will be able to differentiate those from the actual heartbreak.
- I will not let any baggage from the past affect my future relationships.
- I dedicate myself to wholeheartedly to living and loving my life as it is right now (fixing the things that no longer work and love my life even more)

Labels: bgr, book, self-help

  ¶ 6:58 PM